In reference to my last post

I'm doing WAY better.

I started thinking about why I was feeling the way that I was; that I wasn't 'enough' of something... thought I wasn't sure what. So I took a step back and did an evaluation of everything in my life, and the way that it affected me.

With the things I could control, I did what I could. I removed some things from my life, I added other things... both have been a big help.

With things that I could not control, I turned to the Lord. I fasted and prayed, and presented Him with a solution, and asked for assistance in reaching the solution. I feel this is personal experience, but I want to share, because you never know when this could help someone else... My husband believes that there are some things in which we need to come to our own conclusions, and then ask the Lord if he feels that's a good answer. I agree with this because I don't think the Lord is only there to give us answers. I think He is also there to encourage us in a choice we've already made, to love us, and guide us when we ask for it... among millions of other things. Continuing on though- I knew that the solution that I needed in my life, right now, was strength. The strength to choose to be happy. To choose to forget the things that don't matter, and the strength to only look at here and now. After figuring this out, I fasted and prayed, telling Heavenly Father I just needed the strength to essentially just be my old self. Happy. Confident. Strong. I would have days where I was my old self, but I was having more days where I wasn't feeling right. I would be quiet or mad or some unexplainable feeling that was just frustrating me further... So I simply asked for Him to help keep me strong in my choices. I WANT to be happy.

*quick disclaimer about being happy - I am extremely happy in my life. I love my husband, I love my baby, and I love my house. When I talk about being unhappy, that's referring to me struggling purely on the inside - with my self esteem, or my lack of craftiness (dumb, I know), or that my body wasn't the same, just dumb little things like that. But some days they'd all hit at once, and I'd feel pretty useless.

But I know that Heavenly Father has heard me, and He's helping me. It's really an amazing feeling, knowing that I don't have to bear my burdens alone.

I'm not sure what I would do without the gospel in my life.

Interviews and much much more.

So in the past week, I've had two interviews. First one at Control4, which was all due to the lovely Kateka. It went really well, and I actually have another interview via phone set up for Monday. Which is really too bad because I suck at phone interviews. Horribly. Either way, my second interview was with The Ready Store, which was set up through an old friend from 1800Contacts. It was very random and spur of the moment. I saw her at 6:30 Thursday night, and then Friday at 12, I had an interview. Thursday afternoon Stampin' Up! called, and alas, I had an interview for this Wednesday. So, even though all summer I didn't hear one single word about a job, now that school is almost back in, I've got three interviews. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense. But I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities, and can't wait to figure things out. I know that I was all psyched about being the PE teacher, which I really am/was, but after everything that happened with my legs and spending all that money, it was kind of a wake up call as to why insurance is so important. So my priorities have had to shift slightly.

I can't lie either, at this moment in my life, I'm embracing change. I've been at the same job for a few years now, with a little break while I went to school. I've been out of school for over a year now. Justin is still going, but that also means he's working, going to school, and free time is spent doing homework. Which, I appreciate everything that he is doing to provide for me. I love Justin. He is such a hard worker, and he has the most amazing goals which he is completely able to achieve. I'm so proud of his ambition, and his focus, and control. He is so motivated and he knows just what he wants. It really is such a comfort to know that I'll be with him for eternity.

Moving on in the weekend. Saturday was rough. A word that I can't even say ruined everything. I found out my aunt (my dad's sister) has Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. Looking it up, the first line reads "Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease or CJD (pronounced /ˈkrɔɪtsfɛlt ˈjɑːkoʊb/,^[1] "KROITS-felt YA-kob") is a degenerative neurological disorder (brain disease) that is incurable and invariably fatal." So that gives you an idea as to what my Saturday was like. I think the hardest thing is knowing what my aunt will have to go through. She's already forgetting things, she's started tripping, and it's just the beginning. For some reason, their family has been hit HARD with trials. My uncle died when I was just little. Then my cousin's wife died in her sleep, leaving him with just a little baby girl, and this was years ago. But then my cousin died 3 years ago. Leaving his daughter with her step-mom and grandparents. She's now in her 20s, but that doesn't make it any easier. Now my aunt has been given 2-6 months left to live. Sometimes you just have to wonder how much one family can take. And the things I mentioned are just PART of their trials.  It blows my mind. I know that Heavenly Father only gives us as much as we can handle, but it doesn't make it any easier to comprehend. So there have been a lot of tears. A lot of prayers. Not only for my aunt, but for my grandparents. They've already lost one child, I'm not sure how they'll take losing another. For my dad, and his sisters. I can't imagine the pain these next few months will bring for them all. For my cousins, and what they'll have to endure. So instead of me praying about jobs, and what not, I'm now praying for comfort, love, and understanding.

I had a friend post asking about happiness, and what it was. I can honestly say that the thing that makes me most happy is my family. They can make me the most crazy, the most angry, and they can make me laugh the hardest. But without a doubt, they make me the happiest.