In reference to my last post

I'm doing WAY better.

I started thinking about why I was feeling the way that I was; that I wasn't 'enough' of something... thought I wasn't sure what. So I took a step back and did an evaluation of everything in my life, and the way that it affected me.

With the things I could control, I did what I could. I removed some things from my life, I added other things... both have been a big help.

With things that I could not control, I turned to the Lord. I fasted and prayed, and presented Him with a solution, and asked for assistance in reaching the solution. I feel this is personal experience, but I want to share, because you never know when this could help someone else... My husband believes that there are some things in which we need to come to our own conclusions, and then ask the Lord if he feels that's a good answer. I agree with this because I don't think the Lord is only there to give us answers. I think He is also there to encourage us in a choice we've already made, to love us, and guide us when we ask for it... among millions of other things. Continuing on though- I knew that the solution that I needed in my life, right now, was strength. The strength to choose to be happy. To choose to forget the things that don't matter, and the strength to only look at here and now. After figuring this out, I fasted and prayed, telling Heavenly Father I just needed the strength to essentially just be my old self. Happy. Confident. Strong. I would have days where I was my old self, but I was having more days where I wasn't feeling right. I would be quiet or mad or some unexplainable feeling that was just frustrating me further... So I simply asked for Him to help keep me strong in my choices. I WANT to be happy.

*quick disclaimer about being happy - I am extremely happy in my life. I love my husband, I love my baby, and I love my house. When I talk about being unhappy, that's referring to me struggling purely on the inside - with my self esteem, or my lack of craftiness (dumb, I know), or that my body wasn't the same, just dumb little things like that. But some days they'd all hit at once, and I'd feel pretty useless.

But I know that Heavenly Father has heard me, and He's helping me. It's really an amazing feeling, knowing that I don't have to bear my burdens alone.

I'm not sure what I would do without the gospel in my life.

Relief Society

Imagine that... I actually get to go! We're doing service, tying quilts and decorating boxes.

OH MY LAND. The boxes are for the hospital for when a child dies. They put the child's things in the box, and give it to the parents. How stinking sad is that?

I have to admit though, I'm really excited to go. I want to actually become a part of the ward, not just be a primary teacher. I'm pretty sure too, that 99% of the ward doesn't know us, so this is a good way to get to know people.

Last week at Bunco (yes, I went and played) I made a new friend. That was nice haha! Someone that is actually the same age as we are, but they're just a little more advanced in life than we are. But it's all good. They're really cool.

I've started babysitting for the summer, and I can already tell I'm going to need a lot of sunscreen and a lot of energy.

On the flip side, I'm making excellent progress in Lonesome Dove!